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Guest Column:
S8 Guest Column: "Knee to the Head"
By
4/13/2004
A recap of events in the last two episodes of Survivor: All-Stars.
I’m back to ease your pain people, no need to fret. After having some computer difficulties, I’m back in action, baby!
So let’s see, what’s happened while I’ve been away? We had a recap episode that was more entertaining than some of the regular episodes, Evil Jerri got kicked to the curb, and my beloved Lex was tossed aside. I am sad.
I’m gonna dive right in with the obvious; Robfather made a brutal mistake.
After a good ol’ twist sent Amber to the side of the enemies, Rob told Lex, "You take care of her, and I’ll take care of you." We can all see the obvious here; this didn’t happen.
The two groups merged together to form a new tribe of nine and everything’s all hunky-dorey, right? Right? Wrong. It becomes quite clear to Lex and Kathy that they will be the next ones to leave the island despite Boston Rob’s word.
Rob feels as though he must get rid of Lex because he is his biggest competition in challenges. This may be true, but I do not believe it’s a smart move. By doing this, he upsets Lex and Kathy, thus gaining two potential angry jury members. Not smart.
The thing that I don’t understand about this whole ordeal is Shii Ann. Why didn’t Rob go after her? If he takes out the so-called Shii Devil, then he makes no enemies and he gains three more days to get in Lex’s good graces.
Robfather is obviously playing with sheep. The pure fact that Big Tom, Rupert, Jenna Lewis, or Alicia haven’t tried to target either Robfather or Amber is just plain appalling. I thought this was supposed to be "All-Stars"? This game has degenerated to "Survivor: We’re Sheep".
So we’re left with a final group of eight that includes only two people that have made the final four previously. That’s disgusting. I absolutely hate the fact that this game is populated with the likes of Shii Ann, Jenna,
and Amber.
Hello? Where’s Helen Glover? Where’s Vecepia Towery? Where’s Christy Smith? Where’s Brian Heidik? Where’s Jonny Fairplay? Where are the overlooked people that could’ve made this season spectacular? Not here. Maybe I’m just in a bad mood.
Also, they should have had one tribe consisting of only winners. Wouldn’t it have been awesome to see Rich, Tina, Ethan, Vecepia, Brian, and Jenna Morasca whipping tail together. That way we could’ve had a winner still in the game at this point, and I think that would’ve made things more interesting.
Despite all that I’ve said, I’ll continue to watch, because I’m a sheep as well.
So who do I want to win at this point? Robfather. Why you may ask?
Despite his blunders, he’s actually making moves and attempting to play the game. Unless some other people start going all out hardcore, then I will continue to be disappointed. Don’t let me down Big Tom!
Speaking of Big Tom, the title comes from his actions at the reward challenge this past week. When the survivors are searching for objects in the water, you can see Big Tom hit Kathy right in the back of her head with his knee. Good times.
Shii Ann will die of a heart attack. Wait, don’t take that too seriously. I’m speaking of her obvious use of the many faces of "shock" and "surprise". Every time a new twist or a kink in the game is revealed, Shii Ann drops her jaw and gives the ol’ bug-eyed look. Every single time. I fear for the poor girl’s life if Jeff announces another twist before the end of the game. It might be too much for her to handle.
Let’s go to fantasy land for a moment. Imagine if you will, a world in which the Mogo Mogo tribe decided to vote Jerri out instead of Rich Hatch.
We would’ve had the possibility of the Mogo Mogo gang forming a tight alliance. We could’ve had a final four of Rich, Lex, Colby, and Kathy. How I wish that dream were true.
Next week looks like it will be Kathy’s last unless she can work some magic. I’m hoping she’ll turn into a freaking wizard.
THE HIGHWAY COUNTDOWN
1. Amber Brkich – If Amber wins then God will descend from the sky and shoot Mark Burnett with lightning bolts from his hands.
2. Rob Mariano – Robfather is in control of the sheep. That simple.
3. Tom Buchanan – Big Tom is a smart fellow, much smarter than he is given credit for. I have faith that he will destroy "Romber".
4. Jenna Lewis – I don’t like Jenna. That’s all I got to say about that....Now watch her win.
5. Rupert Boneham – Can Rupert take down Robfather? I’ve got a feeling.
6. Alicia Calaway – What has Alicia done in this game besides look good? I can’t think of anything. Eh, who cares, she does look really good.
7. Shii Ann Huang – Oh how I wish Robb Zbacnik was around to torment this woman.
8. Kathy Vavrick-O’Brien – Kathy, I’ve fallen in love with you this time around. That’s quite a change from my undying hatred I had for you in the Marquesas. I hope you find a way to stick around longer.
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